Om Shanti
Question of the millennium is how maintain happiness all the time or at least when we are with children when they are always testing our patients. Sometimes because they are little and other times you know why. If it was so simple to be happy then you would not require this blog. We realize that our whole life is dedicated to happiness, whatever we do, job, and family, etc all of that is for happiness. Mysteriously after this entire effort only missing component is again happiness.
We have discussed in earlier blog as to how happiness is responsible for positive attitude and not the result of positive attitude. We lose happiness all the time during the day because of negative attitude. It means that Negative attitude is the cause for loss of Happiness yet positive attitude is the result of Happiness. To maintain Happiness we need to change our attitude. There is no point in giving happiness to you when you are going to squander it with wrong attitude. Let us first learn how to maintain happiness and then to happiness itself
How to get rid of wrong Attitude?
Attitude is the biggest issue in our life. I know right? Everybody got this attitude, I don’t like it. Attitude is result of our habitual behavior, so it is thought that it is really difficult to change. What do you think? Can you change your attitude fluidly? Is the attitude tough to change? Tough, right? Naaa, its natural, we change it all the time. I know you are protesting but it’s easy, let me prove it.
You are in a room with your parents, a friend and a small kid. You are speaking to all of them simultaneously. You speak something to your parents, next sentence is for your friend and the third is instructing the kid. When we observe your voice tone, words & feelings in each sentence, we can see respect towards parents, casual nature with friend & loving concern for the kid. All three are different attitudes, you didn’t even realize they were different attitudes. It was so natural. So we indeed change our attitude fluidly. But…. But the question is if it was so easy why is it so difficult?
Secret of Attitude:
Now if I ask you to talk to the kid with the respect you give to parents, will you be able to? No, you will fail. Our attitude depends on our identity. What we think we are in a particular relationship & situation decides, what we are going to perceive it and act like. If we think we are children we act with respect towards parents. If we think we are friends, we act casual. Identity is the key. If we have right Identity then we have right attitude and play right role in life.
Identity Crisis = Conflict
If we mistake our identity in a relationship then there is conflict in life. It means that the identity we have chosen is different from what other person feels your identity is. One expects respect because S/He is the boss and subordinate doesn’t because s/he thinks you haven’t earned their respect. There is a conflict. We expect our spouse to do something because they should do is as their role of your spouse but then they don’t feel that their role is that so they won’t and there is a conflict. This conflict is the reason we lose happiness. Life seems a long struggle because we are always facing conflict in every relationship.
Lesson: How to make Children listen to you?
We expect children to listen to us but they don’t think listening to parents all the time is their role. There is difference in expectations on both the sides. This results in loss of happiness, insecurity, mistrust and lots of problems. We should always understand the perspective of children about what they think is our role as parents is in different situations. Especially, when there is a conflict. There will always be difference in perceptions. Both of you can discuss these differences and come to an agreement to avoid further conflict. When parents learn to respect children’s opinion and resolve conflicts like one does with adults, children will trust parents. When trust is gained, family returns to Happy Family naturally. It’s a gradual process. When enough trust is gained children will always listen to you because you know expectations of your children and they trust you as you respect them.
But…. But….. But…. What about Happiness forever? We will come to that in future blogs. There are lots of lessons to learn.
Question of the millennium is how maintain happiness all the time or at least when we are with children when they are always testing our patients. Sometimes because they are little and other times you know why. If it was so simple to be happy then you would not require this blog. We realize that our whole life is dedicated to happiness, whatever we do, job, and family, etc all of that is for happiness. Mysteriously after this entire effort only missing component is again happiness.
We have discussed in earlier blog as to how happiness is responsible for positive attitude and not the result of positive attitude. We lose happiness all the time during the day because of negative attitude. It means that Negative attitude is the cause for loss of Happiness yet positive attitude is the result of Happiness. To maintain Happiness we need to change our attitude. There is no point in giving happiness to you when you are going to squander it with wrong attitude. Let us first learn how to maintain happiness and then to happiness itself
How to get rid of wrong Attitude?
Attitude is the biggest issue in our life. I know right? Everybody got this attitude, I don’t like it. Attitude is result of our habitual behavior, so it is thought that it is really difficult to change. What do you think? Can you change your attitude fluidly? Is the attitude tough to change? Tough, right? Naaa, its natural, we change it all the time. I know you are protesting but it’s easy, let me prove it.
You are in a room with your parents, a friend and a small kid. You are speaking to all of them simultaneously. You speak something to your parents, next sentence is for your friend and the third is instructing the kid. When we observe your voice tone, words & feelings in each sentence, we can see respect towards parents, casual nature with friend & loving concern for the kid. All three are different attitudes, you didn’t even realize they were different attitudes. It was so natural. So we indeed change our attitude fluidly. But…. But the question is if it was so easy why is it so difficult?
Secret of Attitude:
Now if I ask you to talk to the kid with the respect you give to parents, will you be able to? No, you will fail. Our attitude depends on our identity. What we think we are in a particular relationship & situation decides, what we are going to perceive it and act like. If we think we are children we act with respect towards parents. If we think we are friends, we act casual. Identity is the key. If we have right Identity then we have right attitude and play right role in life.
Identity Crisis = Conflict
If we mistake our identity in a relationship then there is conflict in life. It means that the identity we have chosen is different from what other person feels your identity is. One expects respect because S/He is the boss and subordinate doesn’t because s/he thinks you haven’t earned their respect. There is a conflict. We expect our spouse to do something because they should do is as their role of your spouse but then they don’t feel that their role is that so they won’t and there is a conflict. This conflict is the reason we lose happiness. Life seems a long struggle because we are always facing conflict in every relationship.
Lesson: How to make Children listen to you?
We expect children to listen to us but they don’t think listening to parents all the time is their role. There is difference in expectations on both the sides. This results in loss of happiness, insecurity, mistrust and lots of problems. We should always understand the perspective of children about what they think is our role as parents is in different situations. Especially, when there is a conflict. There will always be difference in perceptions. Both of you can discuss these differences and come to an agreement to avoid further conflict. When parents learn to respect children’s opinion and resolve conflicts like one does with adults, children will trust parents. When trust is gained, family returns to Happy Family naturally. It’s a gradual process. When enough trust is gained children will always listen to you because you know expectations of your children and they trust you as you respect them.
But…. But….. But…. What about Happiness forever? We will come to that in future blogs. There are lots of lessons to learn.
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