Happy Parenting 7: Seven Secrets of Happy Family

We have seen how our Identity affects our attitude. To be a happy parent we need an attitude that will help us be happy all the time. An Attitude, which will never drain us to unhappiness. This will require a Universal Identity that will make us happy & loving no matter what mess any person (read relationship personal or professional) creates in our life. Before we find such Identity let us study our basic identity to clarify, how good it is.

Who am I?
One Fine morning a gentleman comes into my office and starts talking by introducing himself by his name, age, where he came from, whats he professionally, education, his family, all the details we usually expect. He might even be having certificates & identity cards to prove all these claims.  You all might be having such papers right? Even I do as it is required by Govt of India. But then all these details belong to the body. What were we before birth? What after death? Will this identity work? Are we this body? Is there nothing more to us, than this bodily existence?

I know you all know the answer to this. I am a spiritual being having physical experience. All such theories we read in books and listen to religious leaders preaching, right? The simplest answer to the above question is I am a Soul or Atma. The question people ask is, I have been living like this all my life, I never had any problem, why should I go into such spiritual stuff? Most of the people who talk this stuff themselves don’t realize the practical implications of this question in day to day life. How is this concept of Soul or Atma or Spirit relevant to our parenting?

Nature of Atma:
Soul/Atma is the life that is conscious, aware and controlling this body through the brain. When soul leaves the body it is called dead body and buried or cremated. We need to understand nature of Atma to find its relevance in our day to day life. There are seven qualities of Soul which define our existence.
1. Peace
2. Love
3. Knowledge
4. Happiness
5. Bliss
6. Power
7. Purity

Nature of the soul is to be in peace, loving, understanding, happy, blissful, powerful & pure. When we are soul conscious we experience these qualities. When we are body conscious we expect these qualities from outside. Instead o being peaceful we become angry because our expectations are not fulfilled. Instead of feeling love we feel lonely in between a party if we expect others to love us.

This expectation gives your remote control to the other person and you lose peace and happiness. Who has most control over us? One who is closest to us? We have most expectations from them. They usually fulfill our expectations more than others so they are close. Thus they have more control over our life. They can hurt us much more than anyone else. So if we want to regain control over self got to practice soul consciousness.

Expectation is the nature of body consciousness, body cannot create anything by itself it needs everything from outside like food, clothing, shelter, medicines, exercise, etc. Soul expresses these qualities from within. This is the reason great saints have said remove "I" (ego) and "want" (body consciousness) to be "peaceful" (soul consciousness), that peace is within and cannot be found else where by searching in the world. Happiness & Bliss similarly is within cannot be found outside. If you want to be happy, it is not in what happens or what others do, it is about how you are (body or soul conscious). In other words state of expressing or expecting decides if we will remain happy in our control or not. So constantly check if you are expressing or expecting happiness. If you are unhappy it means you are expecting.

If we cannot have control over self, how can we expect that from children? If we don’t know, how to be happy, how can we make our child’s life happy? You may give everything to your kids but not happiness, if you are not happy by yourself. We can only give what we have, if we are angry, that’s what children get, if we are dissatisfied and powerless, that’s what children learn. It is parent’s happiness & contentment that gives children a happy and secure life.

One who is soul conscious and experiences self as different from body is always happy. How to do it? Next blog obviously.

Happy Parenting 6: How to make Children listen to you?

Om Shanti

Question of the millennium is how maintain happiness all the time or at least when we are with children when they are always testing our patients. Sometimes because they are little and other times you know why. If it was so simple to be happy then you would not require this blog. We realize that our whole life is dedicated to happiness, whatever we do, job, and family, etc all of that is for happiness. Mysteriously after this entire effort only missing component is again happiness.

We have discussed in earlier blog as to how happiness is responsible for positive attitude and not the result of positive attitude. We lose happiness all the time during the day because of negative attitude. It means that Negative attitude is the cause for loss of Happiness yet positive attitude is the result of Happiness. To maintain Happiness we need to change our attitude. There is no point in giving happiness to you when you are going to squander it with wrong attitude. Let us first learn how to maintain happiness and then to happiness itself

How to get rid of wrong Attitude?
Attitude is the biggest issue in our life. I know right? Everybody got this attitude, I don’t like it. Attitude is result of our habitual behavior, so it is thought that it is really difficult to change. What do you think? Can you change your attitude fluidly? Is the attitude tough to change? Tough, right? Naaa, its natural, we change it all the time. I know you are protesting but it’s easy, let me prove it.

You are in a room with your parents, a friend and a small kid. You are speaking to all of them simultaneously. You speak something to your parents, next sentence is for your friend and the third is instructing the kid. When we observe your voice tone, words & feelings in each sentence, we can see respect towards parents, casual nature with friend & loving concern for the kid. All three are different attitudes, you didn’t even realize they were different attitudes. It was so natural. So we indeed change our attitude fluidly. But…. But the question is if it was so easy why is it so difficult?

Secret of Attitude:
Now if I ask you to talk to the kid with the respect you give to parents, will you be able to? No, you will fail. Our attitude depends on our identity. What we think we are in a particular relationship & situation decides, what we are going to perceive it and act like. If we think we are children we act with respect towards parents. If we think we are friends, we act casual. Identity is the key. If we have right Identity then we have right attitude and play right role in life.

Identity Crisis = Conflict
If we mistake our identity in a relationship then there is conflict in life. It means that the identity we have chosen is different from what other person feels your identity is. One expects respect because S/He is the boss and subordinate doesn’t because s/he thinks you haven’t earned their respect. There is a conflict. We expect our spouse to do something because they should do is as their role of your spouse but then they don’t feel that their role is that so they won’t and there is a conflict. This conflict is the reason we lose happiness. Life seems a long struggle because we are always facing conflict in every relationship.

Lesson: How to make Children listen to you?
We expect children to listen to us but they don’t think listening to parents all the time is their role. There is difference in expectations on both the sides. This results in loss of happiness, insecurity, mistrust and lots of problems. We should always understand the perspective of children about what they think is our role as parents is in different situations. Especially, when there is a conflict. There will always be difference in perceptions. Both of you can discuss these differences and come to an agreement to avoid further conflict. When parents learn to respect children’s opinion and resolve conflicts like one does with adults, children will trust parents. When trust is gained, family returns to Happy Family naturally. It’s a gradual process. When enough trust is gained children will always listen to you because you know expectations of your children and they trust you as you respect them.

But…. But….. But….  What about Happiness forever? We will come to that in future blogs. There are lots of lessons to learn.

Happy Parenting 5: Refresh & Restore Happy Family

Om Shanti

In the last blog we have seen that Positive Thinking and attitude is essential for Happy Parenting. Today we will discover the secret to Positive Attitude.

ST is full of blogs on happiness and positive attitude. You might yourself have written a couple of times about the positive attitude & secrets of happiness. So this concept is not new, only my perspective is different. We all know advantage of positive attitude & how to be positive. The question is why are we not happy most the time then? Where are we missing the secret of happiness?

Did you ever observe the phenomenon of morning forgiveness? It is nothing complicated. It is just about a normal morning when you slept well and refreshed, looking good. If your child makes a small mistake, you would forgive them easily and not mind much. It happens all the time. You got along with your normal stressful day at work or home and a bit tired by the evening. Then when were just sitting down to relax a bit, your child commits even smaller mistake before you, the reaction at that time is irritation and anger usually disproportional to the mistake. What was the difference between morning & evening?

In the morning you were refreshed & recharged by very good sleep. In the evening you were tired. This tired state of mind is cause of negative outlook. If we weren’t tired then we might have behaved properly and retained our happiness. All thru the day we got drained bit by bit and lost our happiness. People think we need to be positive to be happy. But it is the other way around.

One is positive when one is happy & negative when tired/unhappy. Happiness is not a derivative but Positive attitude is the derivative of happy state of mind. To be positive one needs to maintain happy state of mind all day. Never let go of happiness. Happiness is the fundamental state of our mind. Happiness is the cause of what we do, it is not the result. It is important to refresh & recharge self with happiness to restore happiness in our family.

If we give Rs 10 to someone the amount in our possession is reduced by that amount. When we smile at someone, they smile back. Did we lose our smile? No it got multiplied. This is the difference between money & happiness. When we give money we lose it & when we give happiness it multiplies. Only way to increase happiness is to give it in our every action. But the problem is are not in the habit of maintaining happy mood all day and forget to give happiness. When we become sad and tired we cant give any because we don’t have any left.

We will deal with the question of how to maintain our fundamental state of happiness all day long in the next blog.

Happy Parenting 4: Cool Parents Wanted

Happy Parents are cool parents was the conclusion of the last blog. Let us see some tips to be happy parent today.

One fine Sunday morning a father was sitting in front of TV watching India-Pakistan Cricket match. Usually in Indian household especially for men such a match on Sunday morning is like a gift from heaven. The match was in mid overs of first innings. His wife was bringing tea to serve and she tripped on something and spilled some of it. What would be the reaction of the man?
Think of the reaction. …… Now that you have a reaction, there are 3 possible categories of answers.

1. Offensive: Most common reaction would be father shouting at the mother something like “Can’t you watch your step? Are you blind? How could you spill the tea all over? Can’t do anything without fumbling?” and so on. Usually mother’s reaction would be something like this “You don’t do any work at home. Sticking to that Idiot box like a fool. I make tea for you and is this how I am repaid.” And there is a big fight. This is obviously soo not cool reaction, makes children insecure and creates distance with parents. Atmosphere of home is filled with anger, fear, misery for tea that isnt worth Rs 5.

2. Defensive: If the father is afraid of his wife. “Arrere did you trip on something, I am so sorry, are you hurt? It’s ok maid will clean up the mess. Try to be careful next time honey”. In this reaction man shows all his concern and compassion because he would rather avoid any further problem. Situation isn’t good but he can’t help it. When helpless, people get defensive. Do you feel defensive because you thought it was good reaction? Many people do and try to justify, don’t worry, nobody knows how you are feeling. Children in this home grow up to be helpless people who blame everybody for their problems.

3. Positive: This cool father has unique reaction. “Arreh Wah!!! You saved half the tea even after tripping? excellent. Next time dear, try not to spill even a single drop”. When this is the reaction, all the tension is suddenly dispersed and there are smiles everywhere. Children in such home become pro-active positive and responsible. They will feel secure and cared by coolest parents in the world.

What is the difference? You might have heard about glass half full & half empty. That is the difference, in the first two cases father is able to feel the loss of tea, spilling or carelessness, etc. This is half empty personality automatically acts offensive or defensive. Negativity is nothing but focusing on loss. In the third case, father is able to see the saved tea, half full mentality. When we see profit in the situation we automatically react positively and create happiness. Every situation has both facets, its our choice what we want to see. We get what we see. Profit begets profit where as loss begets further loss. Try this positive thinking and we will continue with more secrets of Happy Parenting in the next blog.

Happy Parenting 3: Why dont Children listen to Parents?

Why don’t Children Listen to Parents?
This a control issue. Parents like children to do some things & not do certain things. Children in turn want to do some things and not do other things. Now there is a clash of interests. Parents want to watch serials/news and children movies/cartoons on TV. Parents want children to study and children want to play. Each one of you can contribute and make a separate blog of this list.

Core of this issue is parents want some control over what children do and children dont want to give up the control.
Then who controls the children? Good question. Answer is their friends or someone who is cool in their perspective.

Why are their friends so cool and parents so uncool? Answer is Freedom or Self Control.
If parents have freedom in their life they are cool. If parents are always worried then they are uncool. Some kids act as if they own the world, such kids are considered cool. Parents act worried all the time with one thing or other, sometimes its work, sometimes its family problem, they have Hugh burden. Parents lack enough self control to act cool. Children don’t have burdens or responsibilities so they always act cool. You are compared unfairly? Can’t help it, Life is never fair, get on with it. Following is How Cool Test to check your level on cool scale.
If you score 3 your are just too cool,
Score 2  is very cool,
Score 1 is cool,
Score 0 makes you really uncool man.
I have the marks in your favor, don’t complain now.

How Cool Test
Do you watch TV? Yes? Good.
What would you do when u get commercial break? Obviously change the channel. Right?
How? Silly question, with Remote control.

Let us assume for the sake of test. Your face is your TV and your different moods are your channels. Channel 1 – Happiness, channel 2 - Worry, channel 3 - Fear, channel 4 - Anger, and so one. Remember that everyone around you is watching your face day in and out especially your kids. They want you cool. Which channel would you like to play?
What’s your favorite channel? Channel 1 - Happiness Right? I knew it everybody I asked choose the same one.
Now if we can find the remote we would always play channel 1 - Happiness. If we are playing any other channel it means someone else has the remote.
Where is the Remote? This is the test. If you find the remote with you in the given situation you get 1 point, else zero points.

Situation 1: You have a very important meeting at office and as usual you are running out of time. Right at that moment you get a phone call from some relative who has emotional emergency in the morning, you put all your efforts to calm them in 5 minutes and cut the call. But now you are really late. Next you get your boss calling on the phone asking you for some file before meeting so come bit early. Now you rush out of house, get on your conveyance and start riding faster than usual. As you are going through the least traffic route at as much speed as you can, you suddenly find a couple of buffalos crossing the road blocking your way. You had to apply breaks. How do you feel? Irritated? Angry? Worried? If answer is yes your remote control is with Buffalo. Buffalo was able to change your channel. If you had your remote you would play Channel 1 - Happiness remembers?
Lost this one? No problem let’s try the next, you can still be very cool.

Situation 2: That meeting went really well. Boss appreciated you before all the colleagues. They all congratulated you and had a tea party before leaving for the day. Now you are at Channel 1 - Happy, right. Remember to be there, warning you before you lose it again, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
You are happy all the way home. But as you enter the door, you find that a big fight is going on in your family. I don’t know who is fighting, it’s your family. It happens all the time, right? You are now dealing with the mess, how are you feeling? Obviously not happy. You have lost your remote control to the angry members of your family. They changed the channel right from happy to unhappy?
Lost this one? It ok family has always been an issue for everybody. You can still be cool. Let’s try the next one.

Situation 3: One of your friends needs some favour from you. So they call you up for a Dinner or Tea or something. When you meet them they are extremely gracious and praise you to the sky. Make some joke always taking care of keep you happy. What channel are we playing? Channel 1 - Happiness. We want to play Channel 1 - Happiness. We are playing it. But who is playing it? Are we able to play it naturally or is it this praise (maska)? If it is praise then they got your remote. If you are naturally happy always then you are cool.

Happy Parents are Cool Parents
Children like happy parents in all the different situations. they feel secure and cared for in a happy family. If the parents are always worried, burdened, angry, serious, it so uncool for them. They feel secure when they are with cool people. So such cool people have control of your children. If parents don’t have their remote control, children will learn how not to have control over self. They will never learn how to control self. So they become gullible and easily manipulated by the world around. Such children cannot face the world and tend to become depressed under peer pressure, parent pressure and all different issues. Today this is the reason for some many kids committing Suicide. So be a happy parent for your kids’ sake. Learn self control and be happy.

Happy Parenting 2: How do children face Life?

Mothers feelings: Feel loved and blessed for having baby
Children from very young age have inquisitive nature to know things. Even in the form of fetus the baby learns to communicate with mother and surroundings. Feel the mother’s feelings and thoughts about the baby and creates opinion about life. once born they are more inputs available, touch, sight, taste, smell, pain, comfort and all host of different information.

Mother needs to feel loved and blessed for having baby. A mother reading positive inspirational book helps a lot. Meditation is best learnt and benefitted from by mothers at this stage.

Inquisitive: Not satisfying curiosity is most harmful
As the Baby grows into toddler, learns to walk and talk, they have ultimate amount of enthusiasm to learn to walk and talk. Their persistence and efforts to move around and explore the world around is amazing. They want to touch & taste everything and anything. They get attracted to different sounds and remember them. How parents interact with this toddler helps them or makes their life difficult.

For example if the kids wants to play with candle flame. Parents usually take the kid away from it because they feel it’s harmful for the kid. But they don’t understand is not satisfying kids inquiry is even more harmful because kid will try behind your back. Its best of parents hold the kids hands and take it close to flame cautiously so the fingers feel the heat and kid will pull back from the flame when it gets too hot for them and learn an important lesson about flame. They will always be responsible with flame once they learn this lesson. This is the way to teach responsibility to kids.

Peoples Opinion: Kids opinion is worth more than what parents think
Parents grow used to too many demands and don’t pay attention for the intellectual requirement of the baby. They depend heavily on all the free suggestions they receive from soliciting horde of friends and relatives who act as if they are experts on the subject. This is the struggle of the toddler, as they are treated by the standards of their parent’s advisors and their own curiosities and interests don’t matter. Yet they prevail and do well in the greatest love and care of the parents to whom they are everything. They recognize most of the relatives and have an opinion about them by this time. Their innocent opinion is worth more than what the entire intellectual understanding about people, elders have if you care to learn from them their perspective.

Verbal Instruction: Trust is the most precious of all feelings a kid can have towards parents.
Children never like parents to take them for granted in anything. It’s a great responsibility and most patient job in the world to explain and teach kids of this age about what everything is. Visual and positive emotional stories help them a lot. If parents are able to create positive dialogue and explain things so that kids have the right opinion about surroundings, they will not be shocked about the truth later. Trust is the most precious of all feelings a kid can have towards parents. Avoid losing trust for any silly reason. It’s the responsibility of parents to teach the children about how to deal with things, situations and other kids. It’s never wrong to say I don’t know, kids will accept that and learn to accept ignorance. When parents act know it all they will learn know it all arrogant behavior.

Being There: Talk to children and learn what they feel is right & wrong
So availability of parent & simple honesty are the best way to earn that. Time you spend on kids cannot be substituted for anything; lost time is lost forever. Their learning cannot be stopped because parents are busy. They learn from other kids, TV, maids, relatives and all those who are available for them. If you can’t teach don’t expect them to grow up as you like or learn ethics you like. Rather it would be better if parents talk to children and patiently learn what they think is right & wrong. Then we get an idea of their ethics and help them correct their opinion. Most of the time, they have better ethics than elders.

Exploring world: Ethics are thought by living them and not by preaching them
Allow children to explore the world in supervision. Do not cling to children as they get older, they like to be independent. They like to be respected and treated as equals. Be there when they need, let them find their way in the world. When you feel they are taking wrong direction help them understand what’s wrong with their thinking logically. Help them overcome their fears and become confident. It doesn’t matter what you think is right & wrong, it’s always what they think is important. Help them shape their ethics, don’t teach self control with instructions but with your behavior. More control you have, they will learn that naturally from you. Ethics are thought by living them and not by preaching them.

Happy Parenting 1

Om Shanti 

We are always amazed by the intelligence and wisdom kids teach us lots of times. Kids are said to be representatives of God in each family. we cherish and nurture them. The Issue with today's children is the major complaint from parents is children don't listen to us. As if they ever listened to their parents when they were that young. many of you would protest that you were not like that. I know you were not because you didn't have the exposure of what today's kids have. Now that we have stated the problem. lets look at the solution. few tips on parent of the day.

Tip 1: Beat children as much as you want when you are not angry.
When children are being uncontrollable and difficult use as much force as needed to make them understand. But on one condition, that you should not be angry when you are using force. This is very important. you should never ever abuse your children because you could not control your temper. That would be serious case of child abuse. Children are small and cant hit you back and vulnerable, it is their bubbly energy that makes them naughty to have fun when you are so boring for them.

Your getting angry is your problem not childrens, If you loose patients then you lost it, not the children.It would be grave mistake to make children responsible for your state of mind. Practice meditation and empower your self, else you are not worthy of your childrens care taking previledges.

why? because when you hit children in anger they learn an important lesson, they are allowed to be as naughty as they want but only not when you are angry. They will never learn the lesson you want to teach but only that which they understand. They know now how to test your patients instead of how to respect. When you are angry with children and lost control, you lost all your respect.

If you hit them always when you are cool, they will know that they were punished for their mistake and not for your anger. They will learn their lesson and never dare to repeat it. but then if you really follow this, you may never have to use beating on them in the first place. If you want to be happy parent remember to give up anger.

Tip 2: Never become sad about what children say to you.
Story time: There was a mother who loved her son. One day she wanted to make something special for her son so she went to the market specially for him and got all the ingrdients of his favorite dish. She took lot of efforts to prepare the difficult dish and tasted it to perfection. When everything was ready for the surprise her son came running home at lunch time. She was very satisfied with her preparation and served him his favorite dish. He was hungry and started immeidately on the dish, eating his full. She asked him when he finished, how the dish was? and he replies "there is defenitely something wrong with it, its not what i used to like".

What would the reaction of the mother be? what is your reaction? mother obviously is sad now and blames herself for not being able to satisfy her son. she broods for the whole day may be cry some. Is this what happens in your life? sounds common isnt it?

Now let me ask you a series of questions.
who is the best cook in your family? you right?
who knows wether the taste is good or bad? you would, if not you would know something isnt right before serving.
Dont you have confidence in your cooking skills or tasting skill? you wouldnt feel bad if the dish really went bad.

Mothers in their selfish attachment loose the happiness of love. She was happy as long as she was cooking and tasting. she was happy when she was shopping for ingredients. she was happy when serving.

she became unhappy when she expected appreciation instead of loving her son. The real reason for the cooments of the son was he had a fight with his friends and in a bad mood. his mood tasted bad which projected on his behaviour and taste not your ability. If you really love someone never take their comments personally but beware of their moods. If you care for your kids this is the time you need to be happy that you are able to help your kid, not sad and crying or brooding. Kid is asking for your help expressing his bad mood. If you the mother asks whats the matter, then he might appreciate some emotional support he needs. but then because mother is sad, he cant go to her and she is un available in his need. So mother is branded useless emotioanlly in need. he learns that he can always play with her mood though. he looses some of the respect for the mother. Same thing happens with Fathers. If you love your kids always be attentive to their needs. They will appreciate you when their needs are met not when you want them to. Happy family is a great family and you are responsible for the happiness.

Happy Parenting.

Secret of how to never get hurt in Love?

Om Shanti

"Why does everything seem beautiful in love?
The one who tortures, why does s/he still look heart-warming,
The one who we love, even if s/he breaks our heart,
Why don't the heart count him/her as bad..?
Someone tell me what's love... love..." - from another blogger


Secret 0: Love is expression not expectation. 
Love self before you love others.
Love is our divine spiritual nature. To love isnt optional but natural for us. Human beings life is sustained on love from the moment we are born. There are secrets less understood which are key to happiness in love. We find happiness when we express love and become miserable when we expect it. People we love exploit us when we expect love. Expectation of love is like giving control of our life to them irresponsibly. Always check your status of love, is it expression or expectation. Love makes everything worth living for and life becomes beautiful.

Secret 1: We love because love is wonderful
I will love you if u love me is key to disaster in love.
When we see a green leaf, its nature is greenness. It doesnt expect color green but expresses green color. Similarly our nature is to love, that is we love naturally. we dont need to expect love to love. it isnt a give and take proposition.  When a mother loves her baby, she doesnt expect anything for few years in return. She cares only about well being of the baby. There is no question of does the baby love me? that is the reason the relationship between mother and baby is spiritual and divine. When we love this way every relationship is wonderful.

Secret 2: Love is understanding not questioning.
I expect appreciation from my loved is true way to be miserable most of our life.
When someone we love behaves badly and doesnt appreciate us, its not because they dont love us. Its because they are in a bad mood due to some other reason most of the time. If we realize this key and learn to be understanding and patient people we love can never make us miserable. This is what true love is about, understanding and patients. we become miserable when we fail in one of these. We can ignore their faults but not their intentions. Always  make sure their intentions are good.

Secret 3: Never take criticism and anger of those who you love personally.
How can the people we love be so insensitive?

People will always be who they are. more close you get to them more they take you for granted. So expect to become their vent sometimes without taking it personally. Its ok as long as this behavior is limited. Loving them doesnt mean taking all their negativity, its a privileged that they are receiving our love. make sure they know that. We have lots of other people we love who are more positive towards us. Cherish right people with love and you will always be surrounded by love.

Secret 4: Love is about sharing not possessing
Controlling or Possessive nature suffocates love
I need to be secure in who I am before I can claim to love anybody. Insecurity leads to controlling and possessive behavior. This isnt love but insecurity talking. when we see control issues and possessiveness then, its ego problem and not love at all. Avoid such problems like disease. Best way to avoid this is to share love with kind words, appreciation and showing concern for every person in your life. Do not limit love to few people. lesser the people you love more they control and suffocate your life.


Fact: I am the best person in my life
How can I be second priority in my life?
Have greatest love towards self, appreciate self and all all we have in our life. Only when we are loving towards our self can we have enough love to share with others. I cant share love when i am unhappy with myself. i can only give what i have. If i am miserable, i share misery. forgive and love self accepting self as is. I am the best person in my life is the spirit of love. This is the foundation of love. Never feel bad about being the first in your life. Nobodies wish is worth our happiness and love. Never sacrifice the most precious gift from God, our love and happiness. realize it and cherish it.

Best Person to Love is God. I always Gained a lot by loving Him. My Meditation is my love for Him. I did learn so much about love from Him

Happy loving.

B+ve to be Truthful

What is Truth?

A small kid of 5 years old asks his mother, how does that train run? Mother shows her hand at her mouth making gesture of train like we do saying “coooo chuk chuk chuk” animating enthusiastically and the kid is satisfied and learns something. Then again when same kid is in 5^th standard teacher tells him that the train engine runs on electricity and pulls the rest of it. When he gets to 10^th standard teacher explains in detail about working of steam engine, diesel and electrical engines and different ways a train works. Same one when he get his PhD. Is locomotive engineering, he will design and get u a new train design manufacture if u are able to fund the project. Let us ask our self which is the real truth? All the answers are valid and true, yet based on the situation relevant answers vary. Though absolute truth remains, what is relevant to the situation changes.

What about lies?

Anyone who lies does so because they are afraid of truth and don’t know how to use it. We don’t have to say, all we know in every situation but only what is called for in a give situation based on what we need to achieve by saying what we do. One needs to learn to be diplomatic, positive and appreciative of the person, giving the truth as required. Being straight forward when unnecessary is harmful and immature.

If you are at friends place and her mother gives you a cup of tea and which you are not able to appreciate the taste, you can instead compliment on the efforts she put in to make that tea for you. That would be truth too. There is always so much positive in the world around, when we make it our practice to appreciate all the good, we will never need to complain about the not so good things and speak about unpleasant truth when not required anyways.

What we need to understand is making a habit of lying is very harmful. Once a lie is told, then there will be need to lie many more times to cover it up and can lead to unnecessary embarrassment which could be avoided if we didn’t do it for some silly reason the first time. Speaking truth can be very unburdening sort of work.

What abt situations when we are required to speak about harmful truth? Isnt it better to lie?

One can refrain from speaking at all and refuse to answer. But our judgement that it is harmful may not be absolute; it may be for a greater good to speak truth.  We misunderstand and misjudge the situation and hide truth when truth can in fact can clear a lot of misunderstanding and save unnecessary pain. 99% of people lie not because it is really harmful but because they are insecure and confused. The agenda behind lying is not an honourable one usually. The intent is to harm or revenge, anger, jealousy most of the time.

Once we lie, we feel guilty and get trapped in stress, the tension of being discovered. Creating more harm than good to self and others. Once a person is known to lie they become untrustworthy and unreliable. This is the risk in lying. But more than that we are trapped in negativity and harm our life in this path much more than paltry gains we can expect.

Why do we feel compelled to lie?

When we see lot of people around us lying it becomes acceptable to lie. This is very harmful trend for the society. Being dishonest person starts with simple lies. Then the social conventions that expect you to lie openly are the worst instruments one can make to destroy the society. You are expected to behave in a certain way even if you don’t feel it at all, and so on create this training and situation like its a compulsion to lie these days because we are trained to do that from childhood.

Is lying necessary?

Not at all. One needs to learn positive thinking and learn to appreciate the good in people instead lying about their bad performance. People expect appreciation but not truth so why not appreciate them truthfully and gain their respect rather than lie and gain their ego boost? Most of the time they themselves know you are lying so it really doesn’t help gain respect if they hear what they expect. We can be more tactful and diplomatic to gain real respect and show ourself to be trustworthy and valuable to people around us when we speak positive and appreciate people truthfully.

What is Life Changing Absolute Truth? How do we stop lying?

At Brahma Kumaris the spiritual truth behind our existence and God are thought. We learn how to meditate on the positive powers of God and empower our soul. We learn to see positive in every person and aspect of life. We realise that there is no need to lie at all. We focus on good and improve, that is all to it. This positivity brings happiness, focus, harmony and contentment in life.

The absolute truth is that we are spiritual beings called Soul or Atma. Life consciousness controlling this body whose natural nature is to express peace, love, happiness. When we look into our own consciousness we find there is lot of love and peace inside us to be unlocked and spread all around us. This peace, love and happiness, they increase when you give. So we tend to give more and more to gain even more. This is the real truth that matters.