Why do Science and Religion hate each other in West?

Let me tell you a story.

In ancient Greek days there were an immortal couple, man was "Mythology" and woman was "Religion". They had a boy and girl, boy was "Philosophy" and girl was "Art". his mother gave "Philosophy" a pet dog as gift called "ethics". Philosophy loved his dog "Ethics". One day when he was playing with mortal called Pythagoras he found an orphan girl called "Science" of his age. He brought her home. His mother was skeptical of the little girl but remember her bachelor brother "War" who needed some company. So she gave "Science" to "War" who liked her a lot and pampered her. They were now living in the same house. "Philosophy" adored "Science". As they grew up into young people he fell in love with "Science". Though his mother "Religion" did everything to keep them apart and control them. They rebelled and eloped and married in 17th century AD. They had two beautiful kids. A boy named "Logic" and a girl named "Humanities". "Philosophy" was over protective of "Science" and used his dog "Ethics" to follow her every moment and protect her. He was very possessive of her. "Science" got fed up of this and ran away one day after tricking "Ethics". Since then she is scared of "Ethics" finding her. She was along for a century and started spending lot of time with mortals and made many children like "physics", "chemistry", "biology", etc and grand children. Humanities also spent a lot of time with mortals and had children like "sociology", "public affairs", "History", etc, There has always been fight between religion and science who hated each other, mother in law and daughter in law problems originated here. Science is always weary of ethics who chases her. Science never wants to admit that philosophy loved her but still respects him from far for finding her family long time back with "war". "Science" still lives with her Father "War".

My Life, My World, The way I do - A Poem

This is wonderful poem from one of my online friends Mystique Enigma. I loved the spirit and expression, felt like sharing with all of you.

My Life, My World, The way I do

I can see a tear drop before it falls
I can see a dew drop when it calls
I can see an angel in all I see
I can see a flower in the fall

I can hear the thunder in a voice
I can hear the heart that won’t sway at all
I can hear the wind, blowing so free
I can hear the child inside of me

I can touch the stars riding so high
I can touch the oceans that spread so wide
I can touch each life I happen to see
I can touch your heart and set it free

I can feel the warmth of the blazing sun
I can feel the note in every song
I can feel my breath deep down inside
I can feel the world going round & round

I can taste the wisdom of my life
I can taste the sweetness that flows out right
I can taste the river, of thoughts running through
I can taste the joys my life conveys to you

I can sense the laughter in ones eyes
I can sense the thoughts playing through ones mind
I can sense the simplicity that life creates
I can sense we are alike, and yet not one

I can chase the dreams that belie my life
I can chase the wind if I were to fly
I can chase your heart to core & back
I can chase my life & live no more

I can set the world a blaze with words
I can set at peace my hearts desires
I can set the light to shine so bright
I can set a smile glowing in your eyes

I can break the coldness from your heart
I can break down and simply cry
I can break the chains & set me free
I can break the walls that you don’t see

I can do a lot of thing with words
I can do the things I’d never ventured
I can live a life just the way you do
But I’d rather live my life the way I do


- Mystique Enigma

Happy Parenting 7: Seven Secrets of Happy Family

We have seen how our Identity affects our attitude. To be a happy parent we need an attitude that will help us be happy all the time. An Attitude, which will never drain us to unhappiness. This will require a Universal Identity that will make us happy & loving no matter what mess any person (read relationship personal or professional) creates in our life. Before we find such Identity let us study our basic identity to clarify, how good it is.

Who am I?
One Fine morning a gentleman comes into my office and starts talking by introducing himself by his name, age, where he came from, whats he professionally, education, his family, all the details we usually expect. He might even be having certificates & identity cards to prove all these claims.  You all might be having such papers right? Even I do as it is required by Govt of India. But then all these details belong to the body. What were we before birth? What after death? Will this identity work? Are we this body? Is there nothing more to us, than this bodily existence?

I know you all know the answer to this. I am a spiritual being having physical experience. All such theories we read in books and listen to religious leaders preaching, right? The simplest answer to the above question is I am a Soul or Atma. The question people ask is, I have been living like this all my life, I never had any problem, why should I go into such spiritual stuff? Most of the people who talk this stuff themselves don’t realize the practical implications of this question in day to day life. How is this concept of Soul or Atma or Spirit relevant to our parenting?

Nature of Atma:
Soul/Atma is the life that is conscious, aware and controlling this body through the brain. When soul leaves the body it is called dead body and buried or cremated. We need to understand nature of Atma to find its relevance in our day to day life. There are seven qualities of Soul which define our existence.
1. Peace
2. Love
3. Knowledge
4. Happiness
5. Bliss
6. Power
7. Purity

Nature of the soul is to be in peace, loving, understanding, happy, blissful, powerful & pure. When we are soul conscious we experience these qualities. When we are body conscious we expect these qualities from outside. Instead o being peaceful we become angry because our expectations are not fulfilled. Instead of feeling love we feel lonely in between a party if we expect others to love us.

This expectation gives your remote control to the other person and you lose peace and happiness. Who has most control over us? One who is closest to us? We have most expectations from them. They usually fulfill our expectations more than others so they are close. Thus they have more control over our life. They can hurt us much more than anyone else. So if we want to regain control over self got to practice soul consciousness.

Expectation is the nature of body consciousness, body cannot create anything by itself it needs everything from outside like food, clothing, shelter, medicines, exercise, etc. Soul expresses these qualities from within. This is the reason great saints have said remove "I" (ego) and "want" (body consciousness) to be "peaceful" (soul consciousness), that peace is within and cannot be found else where by searching in the world. Happiness & Bliss similarly is within cannot be found outside. If you want to be happy, it is not in what happens or what others do, it is about how you are (body or soul conscious). In other words state of expressing or expecting decides if we will remain happy in our control or not. So constantly check if you are expressing or expecting happiness. If you are unhappy it means you are expecting.

If we cannot have control over self, how can we expect that from children? If we don’t know, how to be happy, how can we make our child’s life happy? You may give everything to your kids but not happiness, if you are not happy by yourself. We can only give what we have, if we are angry, that’s what children get, if we are dissatisfied and powerless, that’s what children learn. It is parent’s happiness & contentment that gives children a happy and secure life.

One who is soul conscious and experiences self as different from body is always happy. How to do it? Next blog obviously.

Happy Parenting 6: How to make Children listen to you?

Om Shanti

Question of the millennium is how maintain happiness all the time or at least when we are with children when they are always testing our patients. Sometimes because they are little and other times you know why. If it was so simple to be happy then you would not require this blog. We realize that our whole life is dedicated to happiness, whatever we do, job, and family, etc all of that is for happiness. Mysteriously after this entire effort only missing component is again happiness.

We have discussed in earlier blog as to how happiness is responsible for positive attitude and not the result of positive attitude. We lose happiness all the time during the day because of negative attitude. It means that Negative attitude is the cause for loss of Happiness yet positive attitude is the result of Happiness. To maintain Happiness we need to change our attitude. There is no point in giving happiness to you when you are going to squander it with wrong attitude. Let us first learn how to maintain happiness and then to happiness itself

How to get rid of wrong Attitude?
Attitude is the biggest issue in our life. I know right? Everybody got this attitude, I don’t like it. Attitude is result of our habitual behavior, so it is thought that it is really difficult to change. What do you think? Can you change your attitude fluidly? Is the attitude tough to change? Tough, right? Naaa, its natural, we change it all the time. I know you are protesting but it’s easy, let me prove it.

You are in a room with your parents, a friend and a small kid. You are speaking to all of them simultaneously. You speak something to your parents, next sentence is for your friend and the third is instructing the kid. When we observe your voice tone, words & feelings in each sentence, we can see respect towards parents, casual nature with friend & loving concern for the kid. All three are different attitudes, you didn’t even realize they were different attitudes. It was so natural. So we indeed change our attitude fluidly. But…. But the question is if it was so easy why is it so difficult?

Secret of Attitude:
Now if I ask you to talk to the kid with the respect you give to parents, will you be able to? No, you will fail. Our attitude depends on our identity. What we think we are in a particular relationship & situation decides, what we are going to perceive it and act like. If we think we are children we act with respect towards parents. If we think we are friends, we act casual. Identity is the key. If we have right Identity then we have right attitude and play right role in life.

Identity Crisis = Conflict
If we mistake our identity in a relationship then there is conflict in life. It means that the identity we have chosen is different from what other person feels your identity is. One expects respect because S/He is the boss and subordinate doesn’t because s/he thinks you haven’t earned their respect. There is a conflict. We expect our spouse to do something because they should do is as their role of your spouse but then they don’t feel that their role is that so they won’t and there is a conflict. This conflict is the reason we lose happiness. Life seems a long struggle because we are always facing conflict in every relationship.

Lesson: How to make Children listen to you?
We expect children to listen to us but they don’t think listening to parents all the time is their role. There is difference in expectations on both the sides. This results in loss of happiness, insecurity, mistrust and lots of problems. We should always understand the perspective of children about what they think is our role as parents is in different situations. Especially, when there is a conflict. There will always be difference in perceptions. Both of you can discuss these differences and come to an agreement to avoid further conflict. When parents learn to respect children’s opinion and resolve conflicts like one does with adults, children will trust parents. When trust is gained, family returns to Happy Family naturally. It’s a gradual process. When enough trust is gained children will always listen to you because you know expectations of your children and they trust you as you respect them.

But…. But….. But….  What about Happiness forever? We will come to that in future blogs. There are lots of lessons to learn.

Happy Parenting 5: Refresh & Restore Happy Family

Om Shanti

In the last blog we have seen that Positive Thinking and attitude is essential for Happy Parenting. Today we will discover the secret to Positive Attitude.

ST is full of blogs on happiness and positive attitude. You might yourself have written a couple of times about the positive attitude & secrets of happiness. So this concept is not new, only my perspective is different. We all know advantage of positive attitude & how to be positive. The question is why are we not happy most the time then? Where are we missing the secret of happiness?

Did you ever observe the phenomenon of morning forgiveness? It is nothing complicated. It is just about a normal morning when you slept well and refreshed, looking good. If your child makes a small mistake, you would forgive them easily and not mind much. It happens all the time. You got along with your normal stressful day at work or home and a bit tired by the evening. Then when were just sitting down to relax a bit, your child commits even smaller mistake before you, the reaction at that time is irritation and anger usually disproportional to the mistake. What was the difference between morning & evening?

In the morning you were refreshed & recharged by very good sleep. In the evening you were tired. This tired state of mind is cause of negative outlook. If we weren’t tired then we might have behaved properly and retained our happiness. All thru the day we got drained bit by bit and lost our happiness. People think we need to be positive to be happy. But it is the other way around.

One is positive when one is happy & negative when tired/unhappy. Happiness is not a derivative but Positive attitude is the derivative of happy state of mind. To be positive one needs to maintain happy state of mind all day. Never let go of happiness. Happiness is the fundamental state of our mind. Happiness is the cause of what we do, it is not the result. It is important to refresh & recharge self with happiness to restore happiness in our family.

If we give Rs 10 to someone the amount in our possession is reduced by that amount. When we smile at someone, they smile back. Did we lose our smile? No it got multiplied. This is the difference between money & happiness. When we give money we lose it & when we give happiness it multiplies. Only way to increase happiness is to give it in our every action. But the problem is are not in the habit of maintaining happy mood all day and forget to give happiness. When we become sad and tired we cant give any because we don’t have any left.

We will deal with the question of how to maintain our fundamental state of happiness all day long in the next blog.

Happy Parenting 4: Cool Parents Wanted

Happy Parents are cool parents was the conclusion of the last blog. Let us see some tips to be happy parent today.

One fine Sunday morning a father was sitting in front of TV watching India-Pakistan Cricket match. Usually in Indian household especially for men such a match on Sunday morning is like a gift from heaven. The match was in mid overs of first innings. His wife was bringing tea to serve and she tripped on something and spilled some of it. What would be the reaction of the man?
Think of the reaction. …… Now that you have a reaction, there are 3 possible categories of answers.

1. Offensive: Most common reaction would be father shouting at the mother something like “Can’t you watch your step? Are you blind? How could you spill the tea all over? Can’t do anything without fumbling?” and so on. Usually mother’s reaction would be something like this “You don’t do any work at home. Sticking to that Idiot box like a fool. I make tea for you and is this how I am repaid.” And there is a big fight. This is obviously soo not cool reaction, makes children insecure and creates distance with parents. Atmosphere of home is filled with anger, fear, misery for tea that isnt worth Rs 5.

2. Defensive: If the father is afraid of his wife. “Arrere did you trip on something, I am so sorry, are you hurt? It’s ok maid will clean up the mess. Try to be careful next time honey”. In this reaction man shows all his concern and compassion because he would rather avoid any further problem. Situation isn’t good but he can’t help it. When helpless, people get defensive. Do you feel defensive because you thought it was good reaction? Many people do and try to justify, don’t worry, nobody knows how you are feeling. Children in this home grow up to be helpless people who blame everybody for their problems.

3. Positive: This cool father has unique reaction. “Arreh Wah!!! You saved half the tea even after tripping? excellent. Next time dear, try not to spill even a single drop”. When this is the reaction, all the tension is suddenly dispersed and there are smiles everywhere. Children in such home become pro-active positive and responsible. They will feel secure and cared by coolest parents in the world.

What is the difference? You might have heard about glass half full & half empty. That is the difference, in the first two cases father is able to feel the loss of tea, spilling or carelessness, etc. This is half empty personality automatically acts offensive or defensive. Negativity is nothing but focusing on loss. In the third case, father is able to see the saved tea, half full mentality. When we see profit in the situation we automatically react positively and create happiness. Every situation has both facets, its our choice what we want to see. We get what we see. Profit begets profit where as loss begets further loss. Try this positive thinking and we will continue with more secrets of Happy Parenting in the next blog.

Happy Parenting 3: Why dont Children listen to Parents?

Why don’t Children Listen to Parents?
This a control issue. Parents like children to do some things & not do certain things. Children in turn want to do some things and not do other things. Now there is a clash of interests. Parents want to watch serials/news and children movies/cartoons on TV. Parents want children to study and children want to play. Each one of you can contribute and make a separate blog of this list.

Core of this issue is parents want some control over what children do and children dont want to give up the control.
Then who controls the children? Good question. Answer is their friends or someone who is cool in their perspective.

Why are their friends so cool and parents so uncool? Answer is Freedom or Self Control.
If parents have freedom in their life they are cool. If parents are always worried then they are uncool. Some kids act as if they own the world, such kids are considered cool. Parents act worried all the time with one thing or other, sometimes its work, sometimes its family problem, they have Hugh burden. Parents lack enough self control to act cool. Children don’t have burdens or responsibilities so they always act cool. You are compared unfairly? Can’t help it, Life is never fair, get on with it. Following is How Cool Test to check your level on cool scale.
If you score 3 your are just too cool,
Score 2  is very cool,
Score 1 is cool,
Score 0 makes you really uncool man.
I have the marks in your favor, don’t complain now.

How Cool Test
Do you watch TV? Yes? Good.
What would you do when u get commercial break? Obviously change the channel. Right?
How? Silly question, with Remote control.

Let us assume for the sake of test. Your face is your TV and your different moods are your channels. Channel 1 – Happiness, channel 2 - Worry, channel 3 - Fear, channel 4 - Anger, and so one. Remember that everyone around you is watching your face day in and out especially your kids. They want you cool. Which channel would you like to play?
What’s your favorite channel? Channel 1 - Happiness Right? I knew it everybody I asked choose the same one.
Now if we can find the remote we would always play channel 1 - Happiness. If we are playing any other channel it means someone else has the remote.
Where is the Remote? This is the test. If you find the remote with you in the given situation you get 1 point, else zero points.

Situation 1: You have a very important meeting at office and as usual you are running out of time. Right at that moment you get a phone call from some relative who has emotional emergency in the morning, you put all your efforts to calm them in 5 minutes and cut the call. But now you are really late. Next you get your boss calling on the phone asking you for some file before meeting so come bit early. Now you rush out of house, get on your conveyance and start riding faster than usual. As you are going through the least traffic route at as much speed as you can, you suddenly find a couple of buffalos crossing the road blocking your way. You had to apply breaks. How do you feel? Irritated? Angry? Worried? If answer is yes your remote control is with Buffalo. Buffalo was able to change your channel. If you had your remote you would play Channel 1 - Happiness remembers?
Lost this one? No problem let’s try the next, you can still be very cool.

Situation 2: That meeting went really well. Boss appreciated you before all the colleagues. They all congratulated you and had a tea party before leaving for the day. Now you are at Channel 1 - Happy, right. Remember to be there, warning you before you lose it again, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
You are happy all the way home. But as you enter the door, you find that a big fight is going on in your family. I don’t know who is fighting, it’s your family. It happens all the time, right? You are now dealing with the mess, how are you feeling? Obviously not happy. You have lost your remote control to the angry members of your family. They changed the channel right from happy to unhappy?
Lost this one? It ok family has always been an issue for everybody. You can still be cool. Let’s try the next one.

Situation 3: One of your friends needs some favour from you. So they call you up for a Dinner or Tea or something. When you meet them they are extremely gracious and praise you to the sky. Make some joke always taking care of keep you happy. What channel are we playing? Channel 1 - Happiness. We want to play Channel 1 - Happiness. We are playing it. But who is playing it? Are we able to play it naturally or is it this praise (maska)? If it is praise then they got your remote. If you are naturally happy always then you are cool.

Happy Parents are Cool Parents
Children like happy parents in all the different situations. they feel secure and cared for in a happy family. If the parents are always worried, burdened, angry, serious, it so uncool for them. They feel secure when they are with cool people. So such cool people have control of your children. If parents don’t have their remote control, children will learn how not to have control over self. They will never learn how to control self. So they become gullible and easily manipulated by the world around. Such children cannot face the world and tend to become depressed under peer pressure, parent pressure and all different issues. Today this is the reason for some many kids committing Suicide. So be a happy parent for your kids’ sake. Learn self control and be happy.

Happy Parenting 2: How do children face Life?

Mothers feelings: Feel loved and blessed for having baby
Children from very young age have inquisitive nature to know things. Even in the form of fetus the baby learns to communicate with mother and surroundings. Feel the mother’s feelings and thoughts about the baby and creates opinion about life. once born they are more inputs available, touch, sight, taste, smell, pain, comfort and all host of different information.

Mother needs to feel loved and blessed for having baby. A mother reading positive inspirational book helps a lot. Meditation is best learnt and benefitted from by mothers at this stage.

Inquisitive: Not satisfying curiosity is most harmful
As the Baby grows into toddler, learns to walk and talk, they have ultimate amount of enthusiasm to learn to walk and talk. Their persistence and efforts to move around and explore the world around is amazing. They want to touch & taste everything and anything. They get attracted to different sounds and remember them. How parents interact with this toddler helps them or makes their life difficult.

For example if the kids wants to play with candle flame. Parents usually take the kid away from it because they feel it’s harmful for the kid. But they don’t understand is not satisfying kids inquiry is even more harmful because kid will try behind your back. Its best of parents hold the kids hands and take it close to flame cautiously so the fingers feel the heat and kid will pull back from the flame when it gets too hot for them and learn an important lesson about flame. They will always be responsible with flame once they learn this lesson. This is the way to teach responsibility to kids.

Peoples Opinion: Kids opinion is worth more than what parents think
Parents grow used to too many demands and don’t pay attention for the intellectual requirement of the baby. They depend heavily on all the free suggestions they receive from soliciting horde of friends and relatives who act as if they are experts on the subject. This is the struggle of the toddler, as they are treated by the standards of their parent’s advisors and their own curiosities and interests don’t matter. Yet they prevail and do well in the greatest love and care of the parents to whom they are everything. They recognize most of the relatives and have an opinion about them by this time. Their innocent opinion is worth more than what the entire intellectual understanding about people, elders have if you care to learn from them their perspective.

Verbal Instruction: Trust is the most precious of all feelings a kid can have towards parents.
Children never like parents to take them for granted in anything. It’s a great responsibility and most patient job in the world to explain and teach kids of this age about what everything is. Visual and positive emotional stories help them a lot. If parents are able to create positive dialogue and explain things so that kids have the right opinion about surroundings, they will not be shocked about the truth later. Trust is the most precious of all feelings a kid can have towards parents. Avoid losing trust for any silly reason. It’s the responsibility of parents to teach the children about how to deal with things, situations and other kids. It’s never wrong to say I don’t know, kids will accept that and learn to accept ignorance. When parents act know it all they will learn know it all arrogant behavior.

Being There: Talk to children and learn what they feel is right & wrong
So availability of parent & simple honesty are the best way to earn that. Time you spend on kids cannot be substituted for anything; lost time is lost forever. Their learning cannot be stopped because parents are busy. They learn from other kids, TV, maids, relatives and all those who are available for them. If you can’t teach don’t expect them to grow up as you like or learn ethics you like. Rather it would be better if parents talk to children and patiently learn what they think is right & wrong. Then we get an idea of their ethics and help them correct their opinion. Most of the time, they have better ethics than elders.

Exploring world: Ethics are thought by living them and not by preaching them
Allow children to explore the world in supervision. Do not cling to children as they get older, they like to be independent. They like to be respected and treated as equals. Be there when they need, let them find their way in the world. When you feel they are taking wrong direction help them understand what’s wrong with their thinking logically. Help them overcome their fears and become confident. It doesn’t matter what you think is right & wrong, it’s always what they think is important. Help them shape their ethics, don’t teach self control with instructions but with your behavior. More control you have, they will learn that naturally from you. Ethics are thought by living them and not by preaching them.

Happy Parenting 1

Om Shanti 

We are always amazed by the intelligence and wisdom kids teach us lots of times. Kids are said to be representatives of God in each family. we cherish and nurture them. The Issue with today's children is the major complaint from parents is children don't listen to us. As if they ever listened to their parents when they were that young. many of you would protest that you were not like that. I know you were not because you didn't have the exposure of what today's kids have. Now that we have stated the problem. lets look at the solution. few tips on parent of the day.

Tip 1: Beat children as much as you want when you are not angry.
When children are being uncontrollable and difficult use as much force as needed to make them understand. But on one condition, that you should not be angry when you are using force. This is very important. you should never ever abuse your children because you could not control your temper. That would be serious case of child abuse. Children are small and cant hit you back and vulnerable, it is their bubbly energy that makes them naughty to have fun when you are so boring for them.

Your getting angry is your problem not childrens, If you loose patients then you lost it, not the children.It would be grave mistake to make children responsible for your state of mind. Practice meditation and empower your self, else you are not worthy of your childrens care taking previledges.

why? because when you hit children in anger they learn an important lesson, they are allowed to be as naughty as they want but only not when you are angry. They will never learn the lesson you want to teach but only that which they understand. They know now how to test your patients instead of how to respect. When you are angry with children and lost control, you lost all your respect.

If you hit them always when you are cool, they will know that they were punished for their mistake and not for your anger. They will learn their lesson and never dare to repeat it. but then if you really follow this, you may never have to use beating on them in the first place. If you want to be happy parent remember to give up anger.

Tip 2: Never become sad about what children say to you.
Story time: There was a mother who loved her son. One day she wanted to make something special for her son so she went to the market specially for him and got all the ingrdients of his favorite dish. She took lot of efforts to prepare the difficult dish and tasted it to perfection. When everything was ready for the surprise her son came running home at lunch time. She was very satisfied with her preparation and served him his favorite dish. He was hungry and started immeidately on the dish, eating his full. She asked him when he finished, how the dish was? and he replies "there is defenitely something wrong with it, its not what i used to like".

What would the reaction of the mother be? what is your reaction? mother obviously is sad now and blames herself for not being able to satisfy her son. she broods for the whole day may be cry some. Is this what happens in your life? sounds common isnt it?

Now let me ask you a series of questions.
who is the best cook in your family? you right?
who knows wether the taste is good or bad? you would, if not you would know something isnt right before serving.
Dont you have confidence in your cooking skills or tasting skill? you wouldnt feel bad if the dish really went bad.

Mothers in their selfish attachment loose the happiness of love. She was happy as long as she was cooking and tasting. she was happy when she was shopping for ingredients. she was happy when serving.

she became unhappy when she expected appreciation instead of loving her son. The real reason for the cooments of the son was he had a fight with his friends and in a bad mood. his mood tasted bad which projected on his behaviour and taste not your ability. If you really love someone never take their comments personally but beware of their moods. If you care for your kids this is the time you need to be happy that you are able to help your kid, not sad and crying or brooding. Kid is asking for your help expressing his bad mood. If you the mother asks whats the matter, then he might appreciate some emotional support he needs. but then because mother is sad, he cant go to her and she is un available in his need. So mother is branded useless emotioanlly in need. he learns that he can always play with her mood though. he looses some of the respect for the mother. Same thing happens with Fathers. If you love your kids always be attentive to their needs. They will appreciate you when their needs are met not when you want them to. Happy family is a great family and you are responsible for the happiness.

Happy Parenting.

Secret of how to never get hurt in Love?

Om Shanti

"Why does everything seem beautiful in love?
The one who tortures, why does s/he still look heart-warming,
The one who we love, even if s/he breaks our heart,
Why don't the heart count him/her as bad..?
Someone tell me what's love... love..." - from another blogger


Secret 0: Love is expression not expectation. 
Love self before you love others.
Love is our divine spiritual nature. To love isnt optional but natural for us. Human beings life is sustained on love from the moment we are born. There are secrets less understood which are key to happiness in love. We find happiness when we express love and become miserable when we expect it. People we love exploit us when we expect love. Expectation of love is like giving control of our life to them irresponsibly. Always check your status of love, is it expression or expectation. Love makes everything worth living for and life becomes beautiful.

Secret 1: We love because love is wonderful
I will love you if u love me is key to disaster in love.
When we see a green leaf, its nature is greenness. It doesnt expect color green but expresses green color. Similarly our nature is to love, that is we love naturally. we dont need to expect love to love. it isnt a give and take proposition.  When a mother loves her baby, she doesnt expect anything for few years in return. She cares only about well being of the baby. There is no question of does the baby love me? that is the reason the relationship between mother and baby is spiritual and divine. When we love this way every relationship is wonderful.

Secret 2: Love is understanding not questioning.
I expect appreciation from my loved is true way to be miserable most of our life.
When someone we love behaves badly and doesnt appreciate us, its not because they dont love us. Its because they are in a bad mood due to some other reason most of the time. If we realize this key and learn to be understanding and patient people we love can never make us miserable. This is what true love is about, understanding and patients. we become miserable when we fail in one of these. We can ignore their faults but not their intentions. Always  make sure their intentions are good.

Secret 3: Never take criticism and anger of those who you love personally.
How can the people we love be so insensitive?

People will always be who they are. more close you get to them more they take you for granted. So expect to become their vent sometimes without taking it personally. Its ok as long as this behavior is limited. Loving them doesnt mean taking all their negativity, its a privileged that they are receiving our love. make sure they know that. We have lots of other people we love who are more positive towards us. Cherish right people with love and you will always be surrounded by love.

Secret 4: Love is about sharing not possessing
Controlling or Possessive nature suffocates love
I need to be secure in who I am before I can claim to love anybody. Insecurity leads to controlling and possessive behavior. This isnt love but insecurity talking. when we see control issues and possessiveness then, its ego problem and not love at all. Avoid such problems like disease. Best way to avoid this is to share love with kind words, appreciation and showing concern for every person in your life. Do not limit love to few people. lesser the people you love more they control and suffocate your life.


Fact: I am the best person in my life
How can I be second priority in my life?
Have greatest love towards self, appreciate self and all all we have in our life. Only when we are loving towards our self can we have enough love to share with others. I cant share love when i am unhappy with myself. i can only give what i have. If i am miserable, i share misery. forgive and love self accepting self as is. I am the best person in my life is the spirit of love. This is the foundation of love. Never feel bad about being the first in your life. Nobodies wish is worth our happiness and love. Never sacrifice the most precious gift from God, our love and happiness. realize it and cherish it.

Best Person to Love is God. I always Gained a lot by loving Him. My Meditation is my love for Him. I did learn so much about love from Him

Happy loving.

B+ve to be Truthful

What is Truth?

A small kid of 5 years old asks his mother, how does that train run? Mother shows her hand at her mouth making gesture of train like we do saying “coooo chuk chuk chuk” animating enthusiastically and the kid is satisfied and learns something. Then again when same kid is in 5^th standard teacher tells him that the train engine runs on electricity and pulls the rest of it. When he gets to 10^th standard teacher explains in detail about working of steam engine, diesel and electrical engines and different ways a train works. Same one when he get his PhD. Is locomotive engineering, he will design and get u a new train design manufacture if u are able to fund the project. Let us ask our self which is the real truth? All the answers are valid and true, yet based on the situation relevant answers vary. Though absolute truth remains, what is relevant to the situation changes.

What about lies?

Anyone who lies does so because they are afraid of truth and don’t know how to use it. We don’t have to say, all we know in every situation but only what is called for in a give situation based on what we need to achieve by saying what we do. One needs to learn to be diplomatic, positive and appreciative of the person, giving the truth as required. Being straight forward when unnecessary is harmful and immature.

If you are at friends place and her mother gives you a cup of tea and which you are not able to appreciate the taste, you can instead compliment on the efforts she put in to make that tea for you. That would be truth too. There is always so much positive in the world around, when we make it our practice to appreciate all the good, we will never need to complain about the not so good things and speak about unpleasant truth when not required anyways.

What we need to understand is making a habit of lying is very harmful. Once a lie is told, then there will be need to lie many more times to cover it up and can lead to unnecessary embarrassment which could be avoided if we didn’t do it for some silly reason the first time. Speaking truth can be very unburdening sort of work.

What abt situations when we are required to speak about harmful truth? Isnt it better to lie?

One can refrain from speaking at all and refuse to answer. But our judgement that it is harmful may not be absolute; it may be for a greater good to speak truth.  We misunderstand and misjudge the situation and hide truth when truth can in fact can clear a lot of misunderstanding and save unnecessary pain. 99% of people lie not because it is really harmful but because they are insecure and confused. The agenda behind lying is not an honourable one usually. The intent is to harm or revenge, anger, jealousy most of the time.

Once we lie, we feel guilty and get trapped in stress, the tension of being discovered. Creating more harm than good to self and others. Once a person is known to lie they become untrustworthy and unreliable. This is the risk in lying. But more than that we are trapped in negativity and harm our life in this path much more than paltry gains we can expect.

Why do we feel compelled to lie?

When we see lot of people around us lying it becomes acceptable to lie. This is very harmful trend for the society. Being dishonest person starts with simple lies. Then the social conventions that expect you to lie openly are the worst instruments one can make to destroy the society. You are expected to behave in a certain way even if you don’t feel it at all, and so on create this training and situation like its a compulsion to lie these days because we are trained to do that from childhood.

Is lying necessary?

Not at all. One needs to learn positive thinking and learn to appreciate the good in people instead lying about their bad performance. People expect appreciation but not truth so why not appreciate them truthfully and gain their respect rather than lie and gain their ego boost? Most of the time they themselves know you are lying so it really doesn’t help gain respect if they hear what they expect. We can be more tactful and diplomatic to gain real respect and show ourself to be trustworthy and valuable to people around us when we speak positive and appreciate people truthfully.

What is Life Changing Absolute Truth? How do we stop lying?

At Brahma Kumaris the spiritual truth behind our existence and God are thought. We learn how to meditate on the positive powers of God and empower our soul. We learn to see positive in every person and aspect of life. We realise that there is no need to lie at all. We focus on good and improve, that is all to it. This positivity brings happiness, focus, harmony and contentment in life.

The absolute truth is that we are spiritual beings called Soul or Atma. Life consciousness controlling this body whose natural nature is to express peace, love, happiness. When we look into our own consciousness we find there is lot of love and peace inside us to be unlocked and spread all around us. This peace, love and happiness, they increase when you give. So we tend to give more and more to gain even more. This is the real truth that matters.

Let us define what we want to be and then let others define us as we want to be.

Everyone influences our behaviour to smaller or greater extent, true. How we allow others to influence our behaviour is purely our choice and strength. Given same situation of verbal jab, one might grow tolerant and loving saint where as another becomes a bitter resentment. What makes one follow different path is personal will and purpose. What ever happens outside is just a stepping stone for us to move forward. It is a test which benchmarks our progress. Our reactions and actions with respect to the situation is what defines us as who we have become at that moment. We dont need others to define us. Many a time we create situations without anyone doing or saying anything. Lot of people keep worrying without need for external stimuli.

Only when we choose the direction we shall move in using all the stepping stones to take us in the chosen direction, we can be called reasonably worthy humans. Rest are all following the crowd and being tossed and turned by the wind so to speak. This does not mean that people around you are not influencing but one chooses how others shall influence them by their own virtue either consciously or unconsciously.

So let us take this theory positively for our spiritual development so that we can grow instead tending to blame the whole world, parents and society. Most of the times we live in places where situations are overwhelming us, if this is the case then we need to do lot of soul searching to find a place where we can handle, choose a role which is within our reach and better for our growth, find people who will support us in this direction. We need to gather enough courage and will to do the right thing, its very difficult but worth it.

It is important to know that we do not move ahead just by our self, we are in this world and every aspect of the world influences us, every person we meet and every situation and material. All these help us move forward. It is like friction, we would not be able to walk if there was no friction between our feet and ground, yet this friction is what slows us down, lesser the friction easier we move. So we should be thankful to everyone and everything for our progress and be aware of which direction we shall move using this friction. To reduce friction we must become less egoistic, ego causes friction which moves us forward. Then when we are confident to fly we can renounce ego. Till then ego will keep us firm on ground.

So we need to accept all our shortcomings and weakness as a friction that is helping us move forward. Acceptance of self with proper perspective without judging and feeling bad or guilty is difficult but necessary in all spiritual development. We need lot of tolerance, courage and meditation to empower self to that extent to be able to do it. I use Rajayoga meditation(Brahma Kumaris) to do be aware of my actions all the time and change them in the direction i choose.

Let us define what we want to be and then let others define us as we want to be.

Loving self and Loving being

Recently i was asked "How do i Love my self?" by a very close friend who was facing some problems.

This is very fundamental question that should have been answered in primary school education but unfortunately our education does not understand importance of love in life. It is all about language, math, science, etc, which are good but we still need to review.

Love is also most misunderstood term. People think love is a feeling, emotion or passion. If you ask me, love is just love. One can express love with different feelings like happiness, affection, jealousy, possessiveness, and even hatred is an expression of love. If there was no love there would be indifference but hatred is negative expression of love fundamentally speaking. Similarly lot of different types of emotions express love ranging from enthusiasm, bliss, fear, anger, etc.

Love itself is more fundamental than any of these feelings or emotions. They say love is what connects and sustains this world. When we care for somebody, being affectionate, this is simplest expression of love. When we show concern and empathy, it is again love. Love is expressed in all different relationships in different ways. The way we love our mother is different from way we love our brothers and sisters. How we connect with person decides how we express love, also the expectations play their own part.

Love is not what we logically analyse and accept, or a give and take. Love never cares about justifications or acceptance. Love is not limited that we loose it if we give. More we give more we find love. Again we need not find love outside, we do not need anyone to love us if we learn to love ourselves. We can live independently and happily giving love because we have abundance of it when we love ourselves. Love exists for loves sake and for each and everyone of us. We dont have to worry if a person will reciprocate or not, not to worry about rejection when we love for sake of love. Happiness lives in the wake of love, so if we learn to love, we are always happy.

Only person who looses love is the one who forgets to love the self. Loving our self is what creates abundance of love which overflows to everyone around us. Then we are back to the question how do we love ourself?

what do you feel when you listen to the words, affection, care, concern, happiness, etc. can we correlate these words to relationships in our life how ever small or significant. The relationship where these apply strongly are where our love is channeled. what do we do for a person we love? we care for them, we present gifts, spend time with them, do what they like and need, right?

Now when we love ourselves, all we need to do is the same for our self. Care for our body and mind. Present gifts to self. Spend time for exercising our body or a relaxing massage and reading/watching inspirational books, programs, etc. Spending time reviewing life and meditating. Giving more importance to peace, happiness and harmony in our life. I practice Rajyoga Meditation at Brahma Kumaris, Its been a blessing for many years. This is what we can start doing to love our self. When we are in harmony with our body and mind, there is peace and happiness in our life.

We are not starved for attention and do not remain at the mercy of others (read partners, relations, friends or anybody). This solves many problems in life and gives us strength to face any issues that challenge us, personally, professionally and socially.

When do I start loving my self? Now, Now, Now. I dont need anybodies permission to care for myself, do i? We dont even need money to do most of these. Going for a pleasant walk requires only will to go nothing else.

All the best loving beings. Om Shanti

Balancing Act

We can think Balance in life is very complex subject to look at and understand, difficult to have in practical situations, there is soo much +1, 0, -1 how would i know if my action is +1 or -1? when there are so many grey areas to nit pick and all.... or not. It can also be very simple and easy to understand, depends on your perspective and understanding.

Let us look at simple balance old fashioned one used to weigh in shops or the one you can see the Lady Justice holding in her hand in some old courts if you have them these days. There is a balancing arm held in center with two bowls hanging with threads or chains. what does it represent? we only know that when there is equal weight on both sides the bowls are at same level, then it is called balance. but million dollar question is what is being weighed here?
is it Positive Vs Negative, Good Vs Bad or God Vs Satan? none of these.

The balance has on one side the issues, situations, fears and past that you face, and other side is your capabilities, wisdom, courage and virtues. When your abilities on one side are able to weigh down the problems you face, then you are careless and lazy, wont grow. When problems weigh down your abilities and you are not able to cope then you are under stress, depression or breakdown.

Balance is in between when you are able to face the challenges by developing yourself all the time and increasing the weight of your capabilities. In Life we never achieve a perfect balance because it would mean stagnation we always want the balance swinging slightly with in a range, this will cause growth and satisfaction, fun and hard work.

It was never about good or bad, positive or negative. Balance is about how much you can tolerate and grow. How good you are a judge of your capabilities. If we are lacking some where we got to learn and earn to cope up to bring back the balance in tolerable zone. When one is not able to keep it swinging in the right zone but one side goes down and other side is lighter, then the person is said to have lost balance. In short either too depressed or too lazy and careless.

where does Good Vs Evil come into play then?
Obviously in movies and gossip. LOL..... or may be in philosophy and myth. It exciting to have a dramatic story of a hero a role model with all the super human capabilities or Demi God to idolize. We can take inspiration from them, nothing wrong with that.

Point is when you have good balance in life, you become Good, you know the right way and do the right thing. When one is unable to maintain the balance then one is forced to be a hypocrite and does wrong things due to ignorance, commits crime and even silly mistakes which people regret.

Its a simple perspective of life. Accept life, know what you are and improve that is balance. Nothing else.

What does Doomsday mean to me?

Will there be change at this time?
It is obvious that time is changing faster and faster these days, and change is permanent.

Will there be destruction & war?
Man has made weapons of mass destruction which are capable of destroying world many times over. With degrading morality and self control every day from top to bottom of all societies and governments ( politician stands for lier/manipulator and bureaucrat for corruption in most countries more so in developed & superpowers of now and future). Increasing volatility in middle east and so on.... what is the probability of world war 3? doesn't seem far fetched.

Will there be natural calamities?
If increasing lethality of earthquakes, floods and hurricanes around the world is to go by, you can answer it by your self.

Will there be spiritual renaissance?
Seeds of this spiritual renaissance is visible and is expected to grow exponentially during worst of times to come. which appears to be more of cleaning the world of bad and weak, survival of the fittest?

What will be future?
No body can say for certain what is going to happen in their own life tomorrow. But we can all hope and work for creating heaven on earth. Hope is the best. why not be happy and spread love. give up worry and tension and accept faith and peace.

Consciousness, Thoughts, Energy & Matter

Matter energy equivalence in science is well established. In nuclear reactions matter transforms into energy and energy into matter. Its quite common. Even on form of matter or element (Chemistry) changes into another. which was dream of alchemists of the past. They dreamed about transforming Lead into Gold ( philosophers stone? ). One form of energy transforming into other was very common and used way back before newton. light converting into heat and electricity is very common today. this establishes that matter and all forms of energy we use are various manifestations of same material in different elements and energies.

But when we talk about mind matters, consciousness, etc. It is only clear that mind influences matter. Or matter has the ability to act according wishes of mind. Problem with science is it does not know that thoughts exist and have certain energy associated with them which in turn influences matter. This energy in many spiritual schools of thoughts has been shown as subtle or astral matter and and energy belonging to a different plane of our existence. Thoughts do not behave like matter or material energy. Thought energy is more clearly understood based on power of faith, will and persistence. This in turn is influenced by consciousness which controls thoughts. consciousness is even more sublime than astral. Totally different plane as it does not follow properties or laws of thoughts and astral.

Energies on these three planes of consciousness, astral and physical influence one another but do not follow each others laws of existence. They act differently and respond differently, yet there is a harmony in those interactions which makes our life easier and automatic on earth.

When light becomes heat, it acts like heat and there is less light. when lead is transformed into another element, there is less lead and more of the element produced. This is transformation.

When we wish for something to happen and it happens, the total mass and energy of physical world is not altered, but only there is increase or decrease in measure of disorder in the world. (laws of thermodynamics for science students). So thoughts influence matter but do not become matter or material energy in my knowledge. Thus Law of conservation of energy and matter is valid in physical world.

Om Shanti

What is death?

Death is a perception of a change of natural order which has been dramatized because of ignorance, ego and attachment. When we see ourselves as soul who lives on for eternity then there is no death at all for us, but we just leave this body for the next part of our life. Its as easy as changing a dress. take off one set of cloths and wear another. Is that sooo dramatic? but the illusion that body and its present day relations are everything makes death something to be feared because we got to leave the old clothes like a child who loves the birthday dress and refuses to get out of it. From this perspective death does not exist in fact. body is made of material which goes back to material. can a chair die? no it can be broken, burnt or rotten, but we don't associate death with it. So material body cannot die, all material returns to nature which has been borrowed in the first place. The soul or life doesn't die, we live on. Our true existence & identity is not the name of this body but that of incorporeal soul. when we learn to realize ourselves as soul we grow beyond death. Death is only an illusion of body consciousness. Giving physical existence undue importance in eternal life is ridiculous but unfortunately that's how things are. Let us be immortal, its just a change in perception from ignorance to truth that we are a spiritual being experiencing a physical world temporarily.

How to deal with death?
Mostly people find it difficult to understand death and its consequences. This is cause of lot of emotional and insecurity problems. People perceive death as destruction, end of life and departure. They forget that life is eternal. We need to remember and help people who are coping with this loss and depression with this understanding that life is eternal. The person who has left the physical realm had to go, no one can stop it nor is it in our good to interfere with natural order. They will be with us always but not just in this physical form. We need to understand that our feelings, emotions and thoughts are not just for us. but they influence the souls who have departed. If you are in misery in their memory, the departed soul feels it and that miserable energies make their journey beyond difficult and unhappy. Would we want to be a problem for them? Instead why not remember them with love and faith that they will be with us, always send supporting and loving thoughts of helpful energy to help them in their onward journey.

Om Shanti

Pure Karma Vs Ordinary Karma

Intro: Karma in Sanskrit means action. Action performed could be at level of awareness, intention, thoughts, emotions and finally on gross level physical. yes awareness and intention are also actions in their own level. They act and influence our environment even before we think, feel and act on physical level. These actions at various levels interact in energy form leaving a residue of energy signature or impression in our astral and physical bodies. This impression can manifest as a habit of attracting similar energies or in simple language good and bad things happen until this energy impression is cleared. So all states of mind, intentions, feelings and actions leave energy impressions and influence our personality as expressed from time to time(better explained in the book "the secret" about law of attraction of likes).

When classifying karma, people use good and bad karma to indicate good and bad luck instead of understanding its importance and how to use it in practical life. Now let us see what pure and ordinary karma is.

Ordinary Karma: Normally 99% of people today are in physical or role awareness in the sense, they are not in higher self or soul conscious state. They are cut off from truth or spiritual potentials and powers. Thus their perception of the world is incomplete or at the most a crude shadow of the truth. Thus they fail to manifest their true nature but remain in maya or illusion of truth. All the actions done in this incomplete awareness are called ordinary karma.

Such ordinary karma leaves energy impressions on our astral and physical bodies which influence our further decisions. They become habits which act involuntarily on us. They become good/bad luck. In all these impressions are like different imperfections in our energy field. Naturally our spiritual self tries to clear them and purify the energy around it. When such energy is released, it takes the form of physical sensations as a response to the situation. It could be good one in the sense pleasure, happiness, good feeling or bad one like pain, misery, irritation, etc. In either case, it has positive potential to influence our state of mind and decisions making us a slave of those sensations. When we get pain we tend to get depressed mildly or otherwise resulting in attracting energies from surrounding which are similar to the impression being released and end up reinforcing the impression. This appears as doing same mistake again and again in life. When we experience pleasure we tend to want more of that and attract the impressions being release and reinforce it. This appears as enjoying the life in complacence. these are the opposite polarities and ones experience could be anywhere in between on similar lines.

Either case we are not purifying our self and limiting ourselves to what we already have. This is called limited feelings. we have placed boundaries on what we can perceive and feel without knowing. This also expresses itself as fear of unknown. Because to release the energy impression we need to tolerate the process without getting influenced by it. We need to let go both the pain and pleasure to grow spiritually or to purify our energy system. When we fail to let go the impression, they as the last resort try to get released in the form of fever or a disease. So these energy impressions decide what kind of diseases one is vulnerable to or kind of material prosperity one achieves in life.

Pure Karma: True spiritualist practice performing pure karma. Pure karma is the action performed when we are connected to our higher self or soul conscious. When we are able to have faith and such faith releases all the potentials to manifest situations as per the needs of the Soul. Such a person is able stay in powerful state of peace, love and perceive things as they are instead of as they appear. remember that true love, peace, wisdom and bliss are our nature and not results of our actions. Pure actions are very graceful and all nature and God support such actions to make them happen. They benefit the whole world and inspire/empower/help others/seekers around in the process of purification and spiritual growth. These actions are performed because it is our nature to act in this way and not because we get something out of it or because we are supposed/expected to. Though we receive much more than we give, it will not matter.

In this kind of karma, the energy impressions created do not act as blocks and do not influence our ability to perceive things of a different kind. They do not become habits and we dont struggle with them. They are not good or bad. They are just energies or gifts useful for future actions. Such impressions get released in the form of spiritual gifts, experiences and prosperity. When we are able to use it for benefit of others they multiply many fold. We have total control over our karma in this state.

Note: these thoughts are based on teachings of incorporeal God Shiv Baba.

Om Shanti

What is Positive thinking?

What is Positive thinking?

Thinking process is called Positive when it has certain values associated with it. In short they are enthusiasm, courage, tolerance, right vision, confidence, will power and faith. There are many more aspects which are applicable but these can be called the core values of positive thinking.

Enthusiasm: that all situations will help me grow by teaching me how to deal with them. I am willing to learn and enjoy the process of learning no matter what the result. There is no negative or positive result. Result is the lessons I will be learning and not the resultant situations.

Courage: I know that I do not understand the situation and I am taking the risk of loosing some thing material or my good or not so good image in others view. Though I am afraid and not so sure of the consequences, I have the courage to move forward in all the difficulties.

Tolerance: I willingly and happily accept all the consequences and pains in the process of dealing with the situations and decisions. I do not despair or blam any one for the losses and setbacks. I am prepared to and shall enjoy tolerating all such difficulties as they are for my good.

Right Vision: All the relationships, money and material possessions I have and that which I shall have will come and go but the lessons, values and good principles I learn in this process will enrich my life and make it worth living for my self and contribute to the development of the society. So I am not attached to the people, money or property but to the values and principles for the benefit of the world.

Confidence: I believe in the right values and growth. I know that no matter what the consequences and situations I shall encounter, I shall always gain an new experience and learn new lessons. So I can never fail in life. I may loose some things or many things but shall always enrich my life with the experiences and lessons life has thought me. I shall never loose hope because there is no loosing as I remain unattached to material gains and losses.

Will power: I am responsible for all my decisions and actions. I choose to win and shall win by choosing to never give up. Only one who gives up looses. Every failure shall be my stepping stone to success.

Faith: I am bound to succeed in the end. All the world and all the situations I am facing and that I shall face are put together to give me the shortest path to success. No one can stop me from success as I have chosen success as my birth right.

Learning to Learn to be Happy

Last month i met a small boy of about 10 years while on a trip to Southern parts of India, who told me that he got tensed and felt stress when he lost in games and i was supposed to help him come out of the stress.
I asked him, "how do you come out of stress? you are not stressed all the time. you seem to be happy most of the time".
He said, "I don't know, I just forget stress after some time."

One solution he told for coming out of stress is to forget stress and you will be happy. it was so simple but profound lesson. As adults, it becomes difficult for us to forget like children do because of deeper attachments. One can to overcome these attachments by practicing regular and systematic meditation.

I asked him, "do you like learning to play the game better or new game?"
He said "Yes. I feel happy when i learn something new"
I said, "when ever you loose try to learn what you need to learn to win. when you learn you will never become stressed for loosing. You will be happy because you have learned some thing new."

when we feel we are loosing in life it is because we are not focusing on learning. we can never loose anything when we learn something. We fail some times because we attempted to do something which we have not yet learned. when we learn we go closer to success. Then it is said "Every failure is the stepping stone to success". we can always remain happy by learning to learn from every failure. Once we practice this then there is no reason or place for misery, stress or loosing in life. This is the simple way to be happy. Learn a new lesson and be happy. Boy was satisfied.

Did you learn meditation? Meditation is the way to learn the process of learning to be Happy.